Oh my goodness this brought tears to my eyes - all of it. Pete reminds me very much of my Dad, who also died far too young. But also your comments at the end about daily habits and fear of failing - I feel exactly the same - I desperately want consistency and continuity and to keep prioritising something I love, but I just resist it with every fibre of my being! It's so hard but I love your writing and your way of thinking and your insights so much, I really hope that you find a way to integrate more writing and sharing it, from a purely selfish point of view as I get so much from it, but equally, I hope you work it out, for YOU too. This was a wonderful read, thank you.
I'm beginning to think that my endless quest for consistency is just not ever going to reach an end. Maybe I just have to accept that I have bursts of energy and creative output, and fallow periods? If I could hit 50 truly accepting that, maybe that would be enough? Maybe that would help give me permission to duck out and then come back a little earlier each time without beating myself up for not doing so even earlier. Maybe. It'd be nice anyway.
Yes absolutely, I'm with you on that. I've tried so hard to stick to regimes and daily habits, but it just isn't my natural state - I'm very definitely a bursts and fallows type too, and I think you're right - to be able to accept that and lean into it (without the guilt tripping) in some way would be a massive achievement and milestone. Definitely a worthy goal - I'll join you in that! My first year of my forties along with the final year of yours ;) x
Yes I really would! Let's do it! Send me a private message or I'll send you one when I get a sec (currently putting up bunting etc for my 40th tomorrow 🥹😂) but id love to, sounds like a great idea! Thank you!
I'm trying! In the months since I published this, I haven't done too well at the changing-my-life-and-habits-of-a-lifetime-in-a-year plan. But I think I might FINALLY be beginning to accept that this is just the way I work. Inconsistent bursts of hyper-creative focus and extended fallow periods. Social media algorithms don't like it, but I drive myself nuts trying to operate with any long-term consistent practice.
Thank you. I'm so pleased to have connected with you, Christina. x
Miranda! At last you are back… I’ve missed you and your beautiful posts here very much, belated birthday wishes to you and Pete, I’m so glad you were able to spend a post birthday day with a smile… I know exactly how you feel about the actual day,, although mine was surprisingly lovely!
I turned 60 this year, it feels like such a huge number, an achievement even! I thought it would completely stop me in my tracks but in fact what I feel is the reverse. I feel more motivated than ever and yet somehow calmer… at least I will once we finally reach the end of the school year which is always chaos!
As for a daily ‘something’ I’ve been using my Apple journal prompt… just a few words each day to encourage and remind… it’s working really well! Other than that, I’ve no idea, we Gemini’s are not so good at daily are we? At least not long term… something else always catches our eye!
Sending love and huge sunny hug (while I can, the weather has been shocking!) and I truly hope to see you here again soon xxx
Susie! I'm so sorry I missed your comment until now. A belated happy birthday to you. How's that sense of calm doing? Is it still with you?
Is this inconsistency a Gemini thing? As I've just said to the other Suzy--I think I'd be happy to hit 50 accepting my own inconsistency instead of fighting it (and myself) all the time.
I haven't come across Apple journal prompt. Is that an app? I do find, when I'm here on Substack, that the conversations I have spark a hundred ideas and more. Sometimes it's not a lack of ideas, it's a lack of focus on ONE idea for long enough to see it through. And/or a total brain shut down because too many ideas create brain soup.
Love and hugs to you too! The sun isn't around, but I can send you some stormy looking clouds if you'd like them?
Simply beautiful Miranda. Your letters are always so full of heart and I so easily get lost in your memories. I can see the appeal of doing something each day in the lead up to your next birthday, I just a few years behind and I want to approach 50 with joy and excitement instead of the dread with which I approached 40. I do understand the worry of putting pressure and obligation on yourself though and then feeling bad about it. Perhaps writing each day is possible if you chose to commit to just one word or sentence - and only write more if you can..? I read a post by Tanya Lynch about that very thing, which made me think that daily journaling could maybe be something I could do. It’s wonderful to see you here writing regardless! Sending love xx
Thanks, Emily! Yes, I saw Tanya's post. I thought it was great--a really good summary and analysis of her year. She's one of the people I was thinking of when I decided to do something similar.
I know that publishing daily wouldn't work for me, so I'm hoping to find something that will. Like you say, even writing a few words would be enough to get me back into the habit and keep the practice at the forefront of my brain. My problem is that if I fail to publish one week, I find it far too easy to not publish the following week. The weeks go by so fast and it takes me MONTHS to get back in the swing. I guess I'm looking for an approach that helps me accept the small aberration and not let it become the new norm.
Sending you huge amounts of love too, Emily. I've been wondering how your gorgeous puppies are. Did they all find homes? xx
Only one pup left without a new family to go to yet, but three still here with us at the moment. I’ll be sad when they’re all gone but also glad not to have all the dog poop to clean up!! 🤣
I do write nearly every day, because it helps me to focus my mind. Some of it fuels my writing for publication on Substack or in a newsletter. I shudder though, at the thought of COMMITTING to write every day. I don't think I could do it. I think I would start hating writing or hating myself for not writing.
My tip: write because you enjoy it and don't worry if its not every day.
Oh, I missed you too, Suzanna! Sometimes every day work just gets in the way of what I really want to be doing.
I do write most days, but I would like to get back into the habit of writing stuff that's complete enough to publish. Doing so helps me to organise my thoughts and keep other parts of life on track. I lose track of time too easily when I stop.
Like I said to Jackie, I definitely need to include some self-kindness in the ambition. It's good to be reminded of that. xx
Welcome back, my friend. We turned the same age in recent weeks. And I lost a legendary older friend the week before my birthday this year. My heart is broken 😞. Thank you for sharing the magic of Pete with us, and so beautifully. It is indeed good to have you back 🧡
Thank you, Amy! A belated happy birthday to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It fecking sucks doesn't it. Those legendary older friends stick with us forever. I don't think a week goes by that I'm not reminded of Pete in some small way. The big difference now is that the memories are a source of joy rather than sadness. Even the tears I shed when I wrote this felt strangely cleansing rather than painful. I'm sending you huge love. xx
I have always been completely rubbish at sticking to anything long term, so sorry no tips. But sometimes I wonder if the reason I don't stick to the time period I set myself is because have a better idea or just a different idea. I have decided not to beat myself up about not sticking to plans such as these. If you do brilliant, but often they create more stress than you intended for the outcome? It is just freer to try this start and see how long it lasts but when it becomes a real chore stop reframe. I know you will still be writing but maybe on a different time scale something that fits you at that time. This time is different to future time. Who knows what you will need from your time in the future.
That's a good reminder, Jackie. I'm working through ideas and trying a few small ideas to see how they feel, but I definitely want to make sure I include "being nicer to myself if/when I don't do the thing". I reckon a year of actively not beating ourselves up for the crap we don't stick to would be life changing. But how do we make sure we stick to it?!
Doh, don't know, I suppose for me it is a way of life not to beat myself up about anything. Maybe is was constant reminding myself until it became normal? Maybe because its something nice and not harmful or difficult that always makes something easier to remember to do :-) I really do believe in not beating myself up nothing good comes from that.
Very poignant post, I like the aim. I tried cold showers and have managed for over a year. My top tip is to start very small so it is manageable and then build up rather than going great hubs at whatever it is you choose to do x
When the days are as hot as they have been this week, I can fully get on board with the cold shower idea, Karen. Maybe it's a good time of year to start? Unfortunately, we're still waiting for Southern Water to resolve a persistent and intermittent issue with brown water and tiny sticky particles. Showers are a bit hit and miss at the moment.
Have you noticed any specific benefits to your cold showers? (Other than lower gas bills!)
That sounds very unpleasant. I can’t say I have noticed anything and it certainly doesn’t get easier but it does remind me it is good to feel some hardship each day even if tiny and I do rather sadly pleased with myself afterwards!
Oh my goodness this brought tears to my eyes - all of it. Pete reminds me very much of my Dad, who also died far too young. But also your comments at the end about daily habits and fear of failing - I feel exactly the same - I desperately want consistency and continuity and to keep prioritising something I love, but I just resist it with every fibre of my being! It's so hard but I love your writing and your way of thinking and your insights so much, I really hope that you find a way to integrate more writing and sharing it, from a purely selfish point of view as I get so much from it, but equally, I hope you work it out, for YOU too. This was a wonderful read, thank you.
I'm beginning to think that my endless quest for consistency is just not ever going to reach an end. Maybe I just have to accept that I have bursts of energy and creative output, and fallow periods? If I could hit 50 truly accepting that, maybe that would be enough? Maybe that would help give me permission to duck out and then come back a little earlier each time without beating myself up for not doing so even earlier. Maybe. It'd be nice anyway.
Yes absolutely, I'm with you on that. I've tried so hard to stick to regimes and daily habits, but it just isn't my natural state - I'm very definitely a bursts and fallows type too, and I think you're right - to be able to accept that and lean into it (without the guilt tripping) in some way would be a massive achievement and milestone. Definitely a worthy goal - I'll join you in that! My first year of my forties along with the final year of yours ;) x
If you want an inconsistency acceptance accountability partner for the year, I'm in!
Yes I really would! Let's do it! Send me a private message or I'll send you one when I get a sec (currently putting up bunting etc for my 40th tomorrow 🥹😂) but id love to, sounds like a great idea! Thank you!
Hey, happy birthday, Cat! I’ve just seen your comment. Was it your birthday yesterday? I’ll drop me a message. xx
I really love this, Miranda. Be more Pete. Write more. Publish more. Feed that creative fire.
I'm trying! In the months since I published this, I haven't done too well at the changing-my-life-and-habits-of-a-lifetime-in-a-year plan. But I think I might FINALLY be beginning to accept that this is just the way I work. Inconsistent bursts of hyper-creative focus and extended fallow periods. Social media algorithms don't like it, but I drive myself nuts trying to operate with any long-term consistent practice.
Thank you. I'm so pleased to have connected with you, Christina. x
I don’t know how I missed this, Miranda. Breathtaking, as ever.
When you spoke of the playing of the bats chorus at the end of the funeral…oooof.
You sure can pack an emotional punch, Miranda. So, so gifted. 🗝️
I don't know how I missed your comment either, Suzy. So a belated thank you! xx
Miranda! At last you are back… I’ve missed you and your beautiful posts here very much, belated birthday wishes to you and Pete, I’m so glad you were able to spend a post birthday day with a smile… I know exactly how you feel about the actual day,, although mine was surprisingly lovely!
I turned 60 this year, it feels like such a huge number, an achievement even! I thought it would completely stop me in my tracks but in fact what I feel is the reverse. I feel more motivated than ever and yet somehow calmer… at least I will once we finally reach the end of the school year which is always chaos!
As for a daily ‘something’ I’ve been using my Apple journal prompt… just a few words each day to encourage and remind… it’s working really well! Other than that, I’ve no idea, we Gemini’s are not so good at daily are we? At least not long term… something else always catches our eye!
Sending love and huge sunny hug (while I can, the weather has been shocking!) and I truly hope to see you here again soon xxx
Susie! I'm so sorry I missed your comment until now. A belated happy birthday to you. How's that sense of calm doing? Is it still with you?
Is this inconsistency a Gemini thing? As I've just said to the other Suzy--I think I'd be happy to hit 50 accepting my own inconsistency instead of fighting it (and myself) all the time.
I haven't come across Apple journal prompt. Is that an app? I do find, when I'm here on Substack, that the conversations I have spark a hundred ideas and more. Sometimes it's not a lack of ideas, it's a lack of focus on ONE idea for long enough to see it through. And/or a total brain shut down because too many ideas create brain soup.
Love and hugs to you too! The sun isn't around, but I can send you some stormy looking clouds if you'd like them?
Simply beautiful Miranda. Your letters are always so full of heart and I so easily get lost in your memories. I can see the appeal of doing something each day in the lead up to your next birthday, I just a few years behind and I want to approach 50 with joy and excitement instead of the dread with which I approached 40. I do understand the worry of putting pressure and obligation on yourself though and then feeling bad about it. Perhaps writing each day is possible if you chose to commit to just one word or sentence - and only write more if you can..? I read a post by Tanya Lynch about that very thing, which made me think that daily journaling could maybe be something I could do. It’s wonderful to see you here writing regardless! Sending love xx
Thanks, Emily! Yes, I saw Tanya's post. I thought it was great--a really good summary and analysis of her year. She's one of the people I was thinking of when I decided to do something similar.
I know that publishing daily wouldn't work for me, so I'm hoping to find something that will. Like you say, even writing a few words would be enough to get me back into the habit and keep the practice at the forefront of my brain. My problem is that if I fail to publish one week, I find it far too easy to not publish the following week. The weeks go by so fast and it takes me MONTHS to get back in the swing. I guess I'm looking for an approach that helps me accept the small aberration and not let it become the new norm.
Sending you huge amounts of love too, Emily. I've been wondering how your gorgeous puppies are. Did they all find homes? xx
Only one pup left without a new family to go to yet, but three still here with us at the moment. I’ll be sad when they’re all gone but also glad not to have all the dog poop to clean up!! 🤣
So good to see your writing!!I have missed you!
I do write nearly every day, because it helps me to focus my mind. Some of it fuels my writing for publication on Substack or in a newsletter. I shudder though, at the thought of COMMITTING to write every day. I don't think I could do it. I think I would start hating writing or hating myself for not writing.
My tip: write because you enjoy it and don't worry if its not every day.
Oh, I missed you too, Suzanna! Sometimes every day work just gets in the way of what I really want to be doing.
I do write most days, but I would like to get back into the habit of writing stuff that's complete enough to publish. Doing so helps me to organise my thoughts and keep other parts of life on track. I lose track of time too easily when I stop.
Like I said to Jackie, I definitely need to include some self-kindness in the ambition. It's good to be reminded of that. xx
Welcome back, my friend. We turned the same age in recent weeks. And I lost a legendary older friend the week before my birthday this year. My heart is broken 😞. Thank you for sharing the magic of Pete with us, and so beautifully. It is indeed good to have you back 🧡
Thank you, Amy! A belated happy birthday to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It fecking sucks doesn't it. Those legendary older friends stick with us forever. I don't think a week goes by that I'm not reminded of Pete in some small way. The big difference now is that the memories are a source of joy rather than sadness. Even the tears I shed when I wrote this felt strangely cleansing rather than painful. I'm sending you huge love. xx
Beautiful, brought tears to my eyes.
I have always been completely rubbish at sticking to anything long term, so sorry no tips. But sometimes I wonder if the reason I don't stick to the time period I set myself is because have a better idea or just a different idea. I have decided not to beat myself up about not sticking to plans such as these. If you do brilliant, but often they create more stress than you intended for the outcome? It is just freer to try this start and see how long it lasts but when it becomes a real chore stop reframe. I know you will still be writing but maybe on a different time scale something that fits you at that time. This time is different to future time. Who knows what you will need from your time in the future.
That's a good reminder, Jackie. I'm working through ideas and trying a few small ideas to see how they feel, but I definitely want to make sure I include "being nicer to myself if/when I don't do the thing". I reckon a year of actively not beating ourselves up for the crap we don't stick to would be life changing. But how do we make sure we stick to it?!
Doh, don't know, I suppose for me it is a way of life not to beat myself up about anything. Maybe is was constant reminding myself until it became normal? Maybe because its something nice and not harmful or difficult that always makes something easier to remember to do :-) I really do believe in not beating myself up nothing good comes from that.
Very poignant post, I like the aim. I tried cold showers and have managed for over a year. My top tip is to start very small so it is manageable and then build up rather than going great hubs at whatever it is you choose to do x
When the days are as hot as they have been this week, I can fully get on board with the cold shower idea, Karen. Maybe it's a good time of year to start? Unfortunately, we're still waiting for Southern Water to resolve a persistent and intermittent issue with brown water and tiny sticky particles. Showers are a bit hit and miss at the moment.
Have you noticed any specific benefits to your cold showers? (Other than lower gas bills!)
And I forgot to say I go in hot first then turn to cold so no savings on the old heating bill!
That sounds very unpleasant. I can’t say I have noticed anything and it certainly doesn’t get easier but it does remind me it is good to feel some hardship each day even if tiny and I do rather sadly pleased with myself afterwards!