It’s the end of June and perfect seaside weather. I’m walking along the seafront with my parents and my father’s dog, trying to balance their competing need for my attention. The dog is old and reactive to other dogs—the perfect excuse for L, my partner, to stay at home with our own reactive pup and stay out of this clusterfuck of family dysfunction.
What a powerful piece, and courageous too, the thought of writing about my own mother gives me serious anxiety - I know she'd definitely read it so it's kind of a no-go - I can't even paywall it as she's a paid subscriber! 🤣😭 I really felt right there with you on this piece, and selfishly am gagging to read the next installation, though I can't imagine it was a lighthearted decision to write before she's died... Thank you for sharing, as always x
If there were any chance on Earth that my mother would read this, I wouldn't write it. I still have to get past the voices in my own head, but that's marginally easier!
Oh M…I await with alacrity the installment that explores ‘why I’m not waiting any longer’. A biggy.
I’m sat on the sofa chuckling so hard at the 3d gigs. That’s going to keep my chuckle tank going for days! 🤭It reminds me of my nan on my brother’s wedding day… there are several photos of her too big hat dropping over her eyes so she can’t see. It’s one of those things that will cause chuckles for decades to come. 🫣
I'm very pleased to have topped up your chuckle tank, Suzy! (What a great phrase. I'm going to adopt it.) Was your nan able to laugh at her own hat troubles? x
I really can't see why a lot of people unsubscribed ? It's brilliant, a true observation of many families and their difficult relations. It made me chuckle, is that bad? I can hear your sense of humour as you speak to your mum trying to lighten the mood. My kind of sense of humour.
It makes me think of my family how each has to be spoken to slightly differently, what can they take, what do they get offended by?
I'm looking forward to the next, Love your observations. xx
Miranda, was this the piece you mentioned in Notes that led to some unsubscribers? If so, to hell with them, and good riddance! The right kind of people will appreciate and value this. I certainly did, and am glad I've discovered you. I'm eager to read more and have got a few of your posts open on my browser now :)
Our mothers sound similar, and I'm envious that you can at least keep your Substack away from her. Mine reads and comments (my father too) and they're a nuisance, to put it mildly. I don't care too much anymore, and I shall soon be delving into more intimate territory myself. I'm tired of having to tread carefully, life's too short, cliches, etc, you know...
There is a key difference with my mother though - I'm in Europe, my sister's in the UK, but she's in the US with my father (she's Northern Irish) and so there is that guilt my sister and I have about being far away from them, yet when we're anywhere close to them it's nothing but arguments and squabbles and blowups and regrets and things better left unsaid but at the same time terrible communication, and the only topics are the weather and what's for dinner.
Don't even get me started on politics - another nasty poison in our household.
I'm seeing your comments all out of order, Daniel! I was trying to navigate notifications on the app on my phone and missed this. Back on a proper browser now which makes things easier. And you've just answered my own question about your location/familiarity with Sussex.
Yes - this was the post that caused a lot of people to unsubscribe. I think I'm over it 😊 But thank you for the solidarity! I hope your enjoy the other posts too.
I completely understand your hesitation to share the less flattering stories when you know they'll read them. My parents have found my work online in the past and always felt obliged to offer "encouraging" and "helpful" comments. It stopped me from sharing anything publicly for a long time and it's the reason I don't use my full name here. One day I'd like to reclaim my name, but I'm not sure I'm there yet. Hopefully I'll get there before I'M dead! That's one of the things I plan to write about in a follow up to this piece.
Wonderful to have you here, Daniel. I hope I might be able to read a little of your version of this story when you're ready (and feel safe) to share. x
Oops, forgot to mention how much I enjoyed the voiceover. I'm more of a reader, not a listener, but I put on my headphones, took a break from writing, closed my eyes and listened. It was soothing, I must say :)
Aaah, that’s so lovely of you to say, Daniel. Thank you. I really appreciate it. I only started recording VO recently and I’m still getting over my own anxiety about doing it.
I shall soon be checking out more of your material, but I can see you’re passionate about story-telling. I’d say you have a fantastic story-telling audio voice, that’s for sure. I felt like I could’ve listened to another few minutes of the polarising sunglasses drama (btw, nice pun, whether intended or not).
Nice pun! Thank you, Daniel. If you’re looking for more family drama, I did publish a longer essay a while back called “Twisted Roots”. I wonder if you might recognise some of the dynamics in that piece too? https://rootstories.substack.com/p/twisted-roots?r=28s5q6
Gosh this resonated with me so strongly. Not only because I've spent a year in therapy trying to work out how to implement healthy boundaries for myself but also because I've spent much of of the last 20 years *knowing* that I will only be able to write with complete honesty when there's no longer any risk they'll read it...
Hey. I'm not sure whether I should be saddened or reassured by the number of people who've said the same. It's great to know we're not alone. But it's heartbreaking how common this experience is.
I'd never push anyone into doing anything that's not right for them, but I will say that writing your story doesn't mean you have to publish it. Write it for yourself at the very least. You might find the bravery to share it comes when you do. Or you'll find ways of sharing without the risk that "they" will read it. That fear is why I still don't use my full name here. I'd dearly love to use my full name, but I'm not there quite yet.
I hope you'll find a way to do it entirely for you. ❤️
Incidentally, I'm a keen ecologist and amateur gardener so I'm always pleased to meet fellow plant-heads! Following you now. I look forward to reading some of your words--whether they're family or gardening related.
Thank you so much, Miranda, and of course you're absolutely right. Despite wanting to be a writer since I was a child, I get stuck in self-consciousness even writing in a personal diary 🤣 I think because my favourite genres to read are biography and memoir - and more recently, garden writing, which is really just floriferous memoir - I can't help but end up thinking 'what if someone reads this one day'.
Have you read 'Bird by Bird' by Anne Lamott? It is my absolutely favourite contemporary book on writing and she says in it very blunt terms: "write as if your parents are dead". Ironically, my biological parents actually are dead and I was raised by an aunt and uncle. I am hamstrung by my deep deference to their sacrifice and selflessness in taking my brothers and I in. But I'm working on it...
Also: YAY! Gardening! This platform (it turns out) is amazing for garden writing and mine is far from the best or most informative on here, but I will do my best! xxx
I don’t know the Anne Lamont book but I’ll look out for it. Thank you. I often refer back to Beth Kephart’s book “Handling the Truth” where she talks about the stories we share with other people—they’re still our stories. And we have the right to tell our own story.
I totally understand the “what if someone reads this” internal brake. I have to remind myself (often) that that instinct is part of the conditioning I was raised with. Stay small. Stay invisible. Don’t take up space. Don’t embarrass yourself.
I have to turn the question back on myself. What if someone does read it? So what? What would happen?
After I published one of my first personal essays I hear on Substack, I went into a DEEP shame spiral. It was a piece written in a rage in response to the whole Russell Brand debacle. I was so ashamed of having voiced my own thoughts on the subject (on any subject), I almost deleted my whole publication. But I didn’t. And I had some really, really positive and encouraging comments from people who resonated with what I said and shared their own experiences. I think that was a turning point for me here.
Anyway—I’m not pushing you do anything. But if/when you do feel ready to write and share something, I hope you’ll send me a link so I can share some of the love I’ve received in this space with you. Xx
I loved this piece, I can’t fathom why people would’ve unfollowed for such a simple essay, nearly nothing in there is even capable of being inflammatory. And you continued on to say you regretted it and it was just a joke.
I’m sorry you dealt with that, but I’m now subscribed so good job! Hope all is well. :)
Thank you! I suspect it was just the title. Most of the unsubscribes came so quickly they didn’t have time to read the article. Very happy to have you aboard, Kale! (I don’t know why I went all nautical with that greeting. Not my usual style but now I don’t know what to change it to so I’m sticking with it.)
They’re all turds! Glad to come aboard, Captain! 😂 I have some of the similar feelings you described in this essay, so I’m glad to have someone to sympathize and commiserate with. Hehe
Wow. This sounds just like my mom and I’m so sorry for both of us. Narcissism rears its ugly head for many of us and, honestly, I think your response was awesome. 😉 And happy belated birthday—you deserved so much more than you got. 🫶🏼
It’s startling how many people resonate with this, Hallie. While I’m (selfishly) happy that it does because writing about it brings me into contact with some amazing people, it also breaks my heart that this is so common. We all deserve better.
Close! Same county at least 😊. And we get along that way periodically. Is there a good seafront fish and fresh bread roll place on Eastbourne seafront too?
This is funny/eerie - Miranda, you remind me so much of a good friend of mine who's from Eastbourne, you even sound alike, and you sound like you have the same mother in fact! Uncanny, you could say...
Out of order, jumping around or not, these comments can be fun - I kid you not 'Miranda' (if that indeed is your real name 🤣) your picture even bears a resemblance to my dear friend! (I am hearing the Twilight Zone theme as I write.)
My sister lives in Surrey and on many of my visits we head down to the coast. I've never actually been to Eastbourne, but I've been to Brighton countless times, as well as Hastings and Worthing. I suppose I'm like your father, I love my fish and chips (though with my high cholesterol these days, sadly I've had to cut back).
He he not bad! Not bad! Seafronts look so similar!!!! I would recommend Harry Ramsden's (so close to the beach!) and also one at the beginning of the Pier. There are lots of places around but these 2 I went to more. Enjoy!!!!
Aaah! The illustration is a composite AI image. I couldn’t use a real photo of my mother—too identifiable. The reference images I input into the AI seemed to get Eastbournified in the process!
As someone who waited, do you find it freeing having not quite? My nemesis was my father and once he passed I found it easier to write about him without the constant anguish of him ‘discovering’ my work. Why I thought he would I don’t know as he had zero interest in me, mine, and our activities. We had those stilted don’t give away information conversations on the rare occasions I was ‘allowed’ (summoned) to see him. I remember trying once to give him info on my son, then 13 whom he hadn’t seen for 5 years (his choice), and his cricket playing - my father interrupted mid sentence to talk about something completely different and irrelevant, he was not listening in nor interested one tiny bit. That was the day I completely stopped offering info.
Your writing is clear and stands out, loved reading this piece.
I'm not sure yet, Tam. Yes? Maybe? I think I feeling my way through it as I go. It's a great question though. I'll try to keep it in mind when I get to the next instalments.
Weirdly, something happened since I published this that's made me question whether she really is reading what I write. the co-incidence is just too odd. But I know for sure that if she had she wouldn't be able to restrain herself from reacting.
I do recognise what you say about offering information to see whether it's accepted or used against me. I stopped offering any information several years ago and although she asks, she doesn't insist. She's easy to divert into her own preoccupations. Thank god!
Yes, I'm grateful for small mercies! It doesn't stop me wishing I could have those conversations with her though. It's like grieving for someone, or a relationship, who never really existed.
Really enjoyed your post and the way you write … already looking forward to your next piece on the subject! It's not an easy one to navigate our feelings and you also manage to do it with humour. From a fellow Miranda 😁
Hey!! Another Miranda! Welcome! I don't come across many of us so it's noteworthy when I do. One of the things I intend to talk about in a future post is my relationship with my own name. Like many things in my life that came from my parents, it's something I don't feel really belongs to me.
Lovely to have you here, Miranda. I hope you'll hang around so we can chat about names once I get my own head around what I'm trying to say ...
No there aren't many of us around! Oh that's a shame you don't feel it belongs to you and look forward to reading your post on this one. Does your name ever get shortened? That said there is a lot in a name and how it can make one feel! That is why so many use their middle name instead or an abbreviated version of their name.
She mostly just shortens it to "Em". Which I toyed with when I was much younger as a way to define my own identity, but as she's the only one who calls me that, it kind of backfired! Friends at school used to call me Mirry too. That was a looooong time ago ...
Love it! Just love it! As I said, the title alone intrigued me, so I had to read it. I had a blast giggling away at the 'this clusterfuck of family dysfunction'—so familiar that one needs humour not to lose one's sanity. Thank you so much for this piece. It was so needed, and your narrative empathised with everything so beautifully.
Thank you! What a lovely comment, DD. I saw your reply to my note pop up the other day but I think it got lost in my notifications while I was distracted by "real" work. I'll have to go and seek it out again. Yeah, I can't remember who I first heard use the word "clusterfuck" but it's a word I pull out only when it's really necessary. I makes me giggle too.
Do you think there are some families that aren't dysfunctional? I wonder. This made me smile, and cringe at the glasses, and wonder how you manage to be as self disciplined as you clearly are! Apart from the odd slip...! I look forward to the next instalment. I don't know if I will ever have the courage or eloquence to write about my experiences so clearly. I have not tried yet, even though my dad died a few years ago and I feel more freedom to do so, I am still reticent.
You make me wish I had a family left to write about! I'm smiling broadly and a little sadly here dear Miranda, families are so complicated aren't they? I called my sister the other day, we don't speak often and despite the fact on my 60th birthday - which lets face it, is a biggie - she sent me a text message of just four words, 'Happy Birthday - Love G' not even an emoji or a kiss, I thought I'd call on hers. She didn't reply, just sent a message back saying, 'I don't feel like talking' and that was that! She always manages to upset me, somehow! My parents are both gone (too young) they were both such beautiful people, I was lucky.... my sisters, one at least, is just like your mum!
Living in a foreign country is sometimes hard but where difficult family members are concerned, oh boy its a godsend!
I'm looking forward to your next episode, I hope those 3D glasses don't do any more damage to your mums eyes, you know who will be blamed if they do! sending love xxx
What a powerful piece, and courageous too, the thought of writing about my own mother gives me serious anxiety - I know she'd definitely read it so it's kind of a no-go - I can't even paywall it as she's a paid subscriber! 🤣😭 I really felt right there with you on this piece, and selfishly am gagging to read the next installation, though I can't imagine it was a lighthearted decision to write before she's died... Thank you for sharing, as always x
If there were any chance on Earth that my mother would read this, I wouldn't write it. I still have to get past the voices in my own head, but that's marginally easier!
Oh M…I await with alacrity the installment that explores ‘why I’m not waiting any longer’. A biggy.
I’m sat on the sofa chuckling so hard at the 3d gigs. That’s going to keep my chuckle tank going for days! 🤭It reminds me of my nan on my brother’s wedding day… there are several photos of her too big hat dropping over her eyes so she can’t see. It’s one of those things that will cause chuckles for decades to come. 🫣
I'm very pleased to have topped up your chuckle tank, Suzy! (What a great phrase. I'm going to adopt it.) Was your nan able to laugh at her own hat troubles? x
Do you know, I can’t actually remember if she saw the funny side. I remember nan was very stressed on the actual day though.
Eeeee by gum. What a thing this being human is hey. 🤯
Great piece, really felt it. Good for you not waiting!! X
Thank you! ❤️
I really can't see why a lot of people unsubscribed ? It's brilliant, a true observation of many families and their difficult relations. It made me chuckle, is that bad? I can hear your sense of humour as you speak to your mum trying to lighten the mood. My kind of sense of humour.
It makes me think of my family how each has to be spoken to slightly differently, what can they take, what do they get offended by?
I'm looking forward to the next, Love your observations. xx
Chuckling is good. Essential, in fact. xx
I’m sure it took a lot to decide not to wait, but as someone who has just discovered this piece, I’m glad you didn’t.
Thank you, Tim. I’m glad I’m not waiting either. Although I will admit that the fear of discovery is still there.
Miranda, was this the piece you mentioned in Notes that led to some unsubscribers? If so, to hell with them, and good riddance! The right kind of people will appreciate and value this. I certainly did, and am glad I've discovered you. I'm eager to read more and have got a few of your posts open on my browser now :)
Our mothers sound similar, and I'm envious that you can at least keep your Substack away from her. Mine reads and comments (my father too) and they're a nuisance, to put it mildly. I don't care too much anymore, and I shall soon be delving into more intimate territory myself. I'm tired of having to tread carefully, life's too short, cliches, etc, you know...
There is a key difference with my mother though - I'm in Europe, my sister's in the UK, but she's in the US with my father (she's Northern Irish) and so there is that guilt my sister and I have about being far away from them, yet when we're anywhere close to them it's nothing but arguments and squabbles and blowups and regrets and things better left unsaid but at the same time terrible communication, and the only topics are the weather and what's for dinner.
Don't even get me started on politics - another nasty poison in our household.
I'm seeing your comments all out of order, Daniel! I was trying to navigate notifications on the app on my phone and missed this. Back on a proper browser now which makes things easier. And you've just answered my own question about your location/familiarity with Sussex.
Yes - this was the post that caused a lot of people to unsubscribe. I think I'm over it 😊 But thank you for the solidarity! I hope your enjoy the other posts too.
I completely understand your hesitation to share the less flattering stories when you know they'll read them. My parents have found my work online in the past and always felt obliged to offer "encouraging" and "helpful" comments. It stopped me from sharing anything publicly for a long time and it's the reason I don't use my full name here. One day I'd like to reclaim my name, but I'm not sure I'm there yet. Hopefully I'll get there before I'M dead! That's one of the things I plan to write about in a follow up to this piece.
Wonderful to have you here, Daniel. I hope I might be able to read a little of your version of this story when you're ready (and feel safe) to share. x
Oops, forgot to mention how much I enjoyed the voiceover. I'm more of a reader, not a listener, but I put on my headphones, took a break from writing, closed my eyes and listened. It was soothing, I must say :)
Aaah, that’s so lovely of you to say, Daniel. Thank you. I really appreciate it. I only started recording VO recently and I’m still getting over my own anxiety about doing it.
I shall soon be checking out more of your material, but I can see you’re passionate about story-telling. I’d say you have a fantastic story-telling audio voice, that’s for sure. I felt like I could’ve listened to another few minutes of the polarising sunglasses drama (btw, nice pun, whether intended or not).
Nice pun! Thank you, Daniel. If you’re looking for more family drama, I did publish a longer essay a while back called “Twisted Roots”. I wonder if you might recognise some of the dynamics in that piece too? https://rootstories.substack.com/p/twisted-roots?r=28s5q6
I meant nice pun for you! I'm way too self-deprecating to ever praise myself, unless I was doing it ironically 😂
I've already discovered that post, and a couple of others. The lengthier/meatier posts I send to my Kindle, where they await me for a wee bit later.
Wait. That was my pun? Damn, I can’t even remember my own words.
Kindle is a good idea for long posts. One day I’ll get around to recording the VO for older articles including the long ones. One day —
Gosh this resonated with me so strongly. Not only because I've spent a year in therapy trying to work out how to implement healthy boundaries for myself but also because I've spent much of of the last 20 years *knowing* that I will only be able to write with complete honesty when there's no longer any risk they'll read it...
Hey. I'm not sure whether I should be saddened or reassured by the number of people who've said the same. It's great to know we're not alone. But it's heartbreaking how common this experience is.
I'd never push anyone into doing anything that's not right for them, but I will say that writing your story doesn't mean you have to publish it. Write it for yourself at the very least. You might find the bravery to share it comes when you do. Or you'll find ways of sharing without the risk that "they" will read it. That fear is why I still don't use my full name here. I'd dearly love to use my full name, but I'm not there quite yet.
I hope you'll find a way to do it entirely for you. ❤️
Incidentally, I'm a keen ecologist and amateur gardener so I'm always pleased to meet fellow plant-heads! Following you now. I look forward to reading some of your words--whether they're family or gardening related.
Thank you so much, Miranda, and of course you're absolutely right. Despite wanting to be a writer since I was a child, I get stuck in self-consciousness even writing in a personal diary 🤣 I think because my favourite genres to read are biography and memoir - and more recently, garden writing, which is really just floriferous memoir - I can't help but end up thinking 'what if someone reads this one day'.
Have you read 'Bird by Bird' by Anne Lamott? It is my absolutely favourite contemporary book on writing and she says in it very blunt terms: "write as if your parents are dead". Ironically, my biological parents actually are dead and I was raised by an aunt and uncle. I am hamstrung by my deep deference to their sacrifice and selflessness in taking my brothers and I in. But I'm working on it...
Also: YAY! Gardening! This platform (it turns out) is amazing for garden writing and mine is far from the best or most informative on here, but I will do my best! xxx
“Floriferous memoir”. I love that.
I don’t know the Anne Lamont book but I’ll look out for it. Thank you. I often refer back to Beth Kephart’s book “Handling the Truth” where she talks about the stories we share with other people—they’re still our stories. And we have the right to tell our own story.
I totally understand the “what if someone reads this” internal brake. I have to remind myself (often) that that instinct is part of the conditioning I was raised with. Stay small. Stay invisible. Don’t take up space. Don’t embarrass yourself.
I have to turn the question back on myself. What if someone does read it? So what? What would happen?
After I published one of my first personal essays I hear on Substack, I went into a DEEP shame spiral. It was a piece written in a rage in response to the whole Russell Brand debacle. I was so ashamed of having voiced my own thoughts on the subject (on any subject), I almost deleted my whole publication. But I didn’t. And I had some really, really positive and encouraging comments from people who resonated with what I said and shared their own experiences. I think that was a turning point for me here.
Anyway—I’m not pushing you do anything. But if/when you do feel ready to write and share something, I hope you’ll send me a link so I can share some of the love I’ve received in this space with you. Xx
I loved this piece, I can’t fathom why people would’ve unfollowed for such a simple essay, nearly nothing in there is even capable of being inflammatory. And you continued on to say you regretted it and it was just a joke.
I’m sorry you dealt with that, but I’m now subscribed so good job! Hope all is well. :)
Thank you! I suspect it was just the title. Most of the unsubscribes came so quickly they didn’t have time to read the article. Very happy to have you aboard, Kale! (I don’t know why I went all nautical with that greeting. Not my usual style but now I don’t know what to change it to so I’m sticking with it.)
They’re all turds! Glad to come aboard, Captain! 😂 I have some of the similar feelings you described in this essay, so I’m glad to have someone to sympathize and commiserate with. Hehe
Uh—I’m not sure I should really be in charge of a ship. Happy to share the sympathy though!
Wow. This sounds just like my mom and I’m so sorry for both of us. Narcissism rears its ugly head for many of us and, honestly, I think your response was awesome. 😉 And happy belated birthday—you deserved so much more than you got. 🫶🏼
It’s startling how many people resonate with this, Hallie. While I’m (selfishly) happy that it does because writing about it brings me into contact with some amazing people, it also breaks my heart that this is so common. We all deserve better.
Thank you for being here, Hallie. ❤️
Loved the piece! So relatable! I’m going to take a guess—were you by any chance in Eastbourne? :)
Close! Same county at least 😊. And we get along that way periodically. Is there a good seafront fish and fresh bread roll place on Eastbourne seafront too?
This is funny/eerie - Miranda, you remind me so much of a good friend of mine who's from Eastbourne, you even sound alike, and you sound like you have the same mother in fact! Uncanny, you could say...
Maybe I AM your friend, Daniel? (Cue Twilight Zone theme tune.)
I think there are many versions of my mother out there. (And me too it seems.) Are you a Sussex coaster too?
Out of order, jumping around or not, these comments can be fun - I kid you not 'Miranda' (if that indeed is your real name 🤣) your picture even bears a resemblance to my dear friend! (I am hearing the Twilight Zone theme as I write.)
My sister lives in Surrey and on many of my visits we head down to the coast. I've never actually been to Eastbourne, but I've been to Brighton countless times, as well as Hastings and Worthing. I suppose I'm like your father, I love my fish and chips (though with my high cholesterol these days, sadly I've had to cut back).
He he not bad! Not bad! Seafronts look so similar!!!! I would recommend Harry Ramsden's (so close to the beach!) and also one at the beginning of the Pier. There are lots of places around but these 2 I went to more. Enjoy!!!!
Aaah! The illustration is a composite AI image. I couldn’t use a real photo of my mother—too identifiable. The reference images I input into the AI seemed to get Eastbournified in the process!
As someone who waited, do you find it freeing having not quite? My nemesis was my father and once he passed I found it easier to write about him without the constant anguish of him ‘discovering’ my work. Why I thought he would I don’t know as he had zero interest in me, mine, and our activities. We had those stilted don’t give away information conversations on the rare occasions I was ‘allowed’ (summoned) to see him. I remember trying once to give him info on my son, then 13 whom he hadn’t seen for 5 years (his choice), and his cricket playing - my father interrupted mid sentence to talk about something completely different and irrelevant, he was not listening in nor interested one tiny bit. That was the day I completely stopped offering info.
Your writing is clear and stands out, loved reading this piece.
I'm not sure yet, Tam. Yes? Maybe? I think I feeling my way through it as I go. It's a great question though. I'll try to keep it in mind when I get to the next instalments.
Weirdly, something happened since I published this that's made me question whether she really is reading what I write. the co-incidence is just too odd. But I know for sure that if she had she wouldn't be able to restrain herself from reacting.
I do recognise what you say about offering information to see whether it's accepted or used against me. I stopped offering any information several years ago and although she asks, she doesn't insist. She's easy to divert into her own preoccupations. Thank god!
My father never asked, so it was easy to switch off. I’m glad your mother is easily distracted.
Yes, I'm grateful for small mercies! It doesn't stop me wishing I could have those conversations with her though. It's like grieving for someone, or a relationship, who never really existed.
Really enjoyed your post and the way you write … already looking forward to your next piece on the subject! It's not an easy one to navigate our feelings and you also manage to do it with humour. From a fellow Miranda 😁
Hey!! Another Miranda! Welcome! I don't come across many of us so it's noteworthy when I do. One of the things I intend to talk about in a future post is my relationship with my own name. Like many things in my life that came from my parents, it's something I don't feel really belongs to me.
Lovely to have you here, Miranda. I hope you'll hang around so we can chat about names once I get my own head around what I'm trying to say ...
No there aren't many of us around! Oh that's a shame you don't feel it belongs to you and look forward to reading your post on this one. Does your name ever get shortened? That said there is a lot in a name and how it can make one feel! That is why so many use their middle name instead or an abbreviated version of their name.
The only person who shortens it is my mother. Which is kinda strange now I think about it.
So you use a shortened version? It’s not an easy name to make a nickname from …
I'm intrigued now, what does your mother shorten it to?
A lot of my family and friends call me Mirry, which I'm happy with 😊 but use Miranda a lot too
She mostly just shortens it to "Em". Which I toyed with when I was much younger as a way to define my own identity, but as she's the only one who calls me that, it kind of backfired! Friends at school used to call me Mirry too. That was a looooong time ago ...
Love it! Just love it! As I said, the title alone intrigued me, so I had to read it. I had a blast giggling away at the 'this clusterfuck of family dysfunction'—so familiar that one needs humour not to lose one's sanity. Thank you so much for this piece. It was so needed, and your narrative empathised with everything so beautifully.
Thank you! What a lovely comment, DD. I saw your reply to my note pop up the other day but I think it got lost in my notifications while I was distracted by "real" work. I'll have to go and seek it out again. Yeah, I can't remember who I first heard use the word "clusterfuck" but it's a word I pull out only when it's really necessary. I makes me giggle too.
:)
Do you think there are some families that aren't dysfunctional? I wonder. This made me smile, and cringe at the glasses, and wonder how you manage to be as self disciplined as you clearly are! Apart from the odd slip...! I look forward to the next instalment. I don't know if I will ever have the courage or eloquence to write about my experiences so clearly. I have not tried yet, even though my dad died a few years ago and I feel more freedom to do so, I am still reticent.
I kind of doubt it. Maybe dysfunction is relative. Is what's normal in one context or family really weird in another?
(Also, I can't believe I've only just seen your comment, Emily. So sorry!)
Loving this! Can’t wait for the next one x
It's on its way, Jo! Just a little more slowly than I'd hoped. ❤️
Well, it’s always worth the wait! X
Oh you are awesome, Jo. I’ll try and hurry it along for you xx
You make me wish I had a family left to write about! I'm smiling broadly and a little sadly here dear Miranda, families are so complicated aren't they? I called my sister the other day, we don't speak often and despite the fact on my 60th birthday - which lets face it, is a biggie - she sent me a text message of just four words, 'Happy Birthday - Love G' not even an emoji or a kiss, I thought I'd call on hers. She didn't reply, just sent a message back saying, 'I don't feel like talking' and that was that! She always manages to upset me, somehow! My parents are both gone (too young) they were both such beautiful people, I was lucky.... my sisters, one at least, is just like your mum!
Living in a foreign country is sometimes hard but where difficult family members are concerned, oh boy its a godsend!
I'm looking forward to your next episode, I hope those 3D glasses don't do any more damage to your mums eyes, you know who will be blamed if they do! sending love xxx
Distance is great. The problems arise when they decide to move closer to your escape pod.😱